My mind has always been strewn with tinder, set alight by imagination-- brilliant with flame. But art in its true practice is hardwood-- patiently carved into something fire-resistant, self-evident, semi-permanent, complete, but able to set the minds of others on fire with a single gaze.
My mind has been on fire, with art-- so much that I can hardly create. Instead I set ablaze the shavings from my intermittent attempts at carving and lean into the flames, in hopes they will burn away my need to be once again set afire.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
The Trials of this Life
Everything in this society is an invitation to overwhelming emotions and violence.
It takes a lot not give in.
Here's a nugget of Zen wisdom: "When the mind is still, everything else can move around it and it can remain unaffected."
But how easy is that?
The neighbor's kid has gone out of his way to mow down the peas in my garden when he was trimming the weeds. He also took a dump in my compost pile, possibly making it toxic.
Last Father's Day he gave me what I like to think of as a "Happy Fucking Father's Day!" gift, by breaking fluorescent light bulbs all over my back porch.
It would be easy to be affected by these things, but he's obviously acting out of his own confusion. His behavior has nothing to do with me.
What would be the other option? Arguments? Violence? Getting even? All of that is short sighted and would just make my own life worse.
My brother recently decided to leave his family (wife and three kids). Once again, it would be easy to accept this invitation to have overwhelmingly negative feelings-- anger toward him and sorrow for his family and the rest of my family. I also could feel a lot of sorrow for him and confusion about what he's doing, and what possible motives he could have for doing such a thing.
But I have put a comfortable distance between myself and my family for precisely this reason. I would do no good by wading into a situation where I can only experience more sorrow.
I have to let him live his life. Even if he's harming others.
I have to let the neighbor kid live his life, even if he's making some seriously bad choices and targeting innocent people.
Sometimes this approach feels dangerously close to "not caring." But where does caring a lot get you? It gets you burned. It's better to live peaceably and avoid other peoples' drama.
There's always more than enough drama to go around. Why create anymore?
So, in the end, there's more than a little sorrow involved in just letting folks go about their business, making a mess of their lives and hurting those around them. But I will not be like them. I will remain still.
It takes a lot not give in.
Here's a nugget of Zen wisdom: "When the mind is still, everything else can move around it and it can remain unaffected."
But how easy is that?
The neighbor's kid has gone out of his way to mow down the peas in my garden when he was trimming the weeds. He also took a dump in my compost pile, possibly making it toxic.
Last Father's Day he gave me what I like to think of as a "Happy Fucking Father's Day!" gift, by breaking fluorescent light bulbs all over my back porch.
It would be easy to be affected by these things, but he's obviously acting out of his own confusion. His behavior has nothing to do with me.
What would be the other option? Arguments? Violence? Getting even? All of that is short sighted and would just make my own life worse.
My brother recently decided to leave his family (wife and three kids). Once again, it would be easy to accept this invitation to have overwhelmingly negative feelings-- anger toward him and sorrow for his family and the rest of my family. I also could feel a lot of sorrow for him and confusion about what he's doing, and what possible motives he could have for doing such a thing.
But I have put a comfortable distance between myself and my family for precisely this reason. I would do no good by wading into a situation where I can only experience more sorrow.
I have to let him live his life. Even if he's harming others.
I have to let the neighbor kid live his life, even if he's making some seriously bad choices and targeting innocent people.
Sometimes this approach feels dangerously close to "not caring." But where does caring a lot get you? It gets you burned. It's better to live peaceably and avoid other peoples' drama.
There's always more than enough drama to go around. Why create anymore?
So, in the end, there's more than a little sorrow involved in just letting folks go about their business, making a mess of their lives and hurting those around them. But I will not be like them. I will remain still.
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